A point of clarification.

Dear Palmetto Bug,

You are vile. Really. I've been spending the past four years of my life trying to explain to people that you are not, in fact, just a really big german cockroach, but your own separate, entirely evil entity.

At The Elliott House I once published a whole pamphlet trying to explain to people your existence and the fact that it plagues, plagues, us here in Charleston. Nobody bought it unless they had already been plagued by you.

Well. Now you seem to be trying to get back at me. The other day when I stepped on one of you in my room I felt a little sad. I didn't want to kill you, palmetto bug, but you snuck under my bare feet and for that I was both sad and horrified (why would you do that!). But today. Today, when I was in the shower without my glasses on, a little groggy from the night before. Today when you crawled in my drain where my hair goes after I have shampooed the crap out of it, today was the last straw. Do not mess with me palmetto bug. When I pulled you out with my bare hand, wondering at first how a twig had gotten into my shower until I figured out what you really were, I was really, really mad.

It is November! Go away!

Love,
MTP