Cold and colder

When I woke up this morning, I checked the weather. It was cold. When I say cold, I mean to say that the temperature was 26 degrees and it "felt like" 17. This to me is actually more than cold. It is, quite technically, below freezing. In my world, though, it's below the conditions in which humans should be expected to live/function/survive.

In fact, I think this cold is so absurd that I actually checked my school email account to make sure classes weren't canceled. If I were a professor, I would have canceled classes today. All that work to get your PhD and you still have to trudge through the below freezing cold weather to teach? Naw dog. Not me.

But I don't have the power.

There is, however, something that annoys me more than the cold weather.

People who are prepared for the cold weather, what is your problem? Seriously. You live in Charleston. Charleston, where? Charleston, Vermont? Nooooo. Charleston, North Dakota? Nooooo. Charleston North Carolina? Closer, but nooooo. Charleston, where? Charleston, South Carolina. Sud. Sur. South. That means, in our Northern hemisphere, down toward the equator. It is supposed to be warm here.

In fact, it was colder here today than it was home in Maryland, where it was snowing. No snow here. Just people wearing parkas and long wool coats. And these people, they're the ones who really get my goat. Where in the hell did you get this from? What, somewhere in your brain you remembered that once every 12 eons it gets cold in Charleston and you bought this nice down coat just in case?

Why aren't you like the rest of us? The rest of us are unprepared. We dress in many layers. We finally trade our flip flops for a pair of boots. We wear scarves (usually just a fashion accessory, but in this climate functional). We drive our cars to class (or get rides from our roommates) instead of walking. We do the things that normal, unprepared people do: improvise.

And there you are. In your huge down coat. It isn't as if you're one of those people who just happens to have a ski jacket for when you take vacation. This is a coat designed for New York City winters. Sure, you may be from New York, but you're not there now! Why do you have this! And why, for the love of all things holy, are you taunting me with it!

So here's to you, you prepared bunch of ninnies. I zip up my hoodie, slip on my gloves, and peer at you with a mixture of jealousy, contempt, and wonder from beneath my ski hat. All in honor of you. Enjoy your "warmth" and don't worry about the rest of us, we're doing just fine. And no, we're not shivering, we're actually just seething with anger at your preparedness.