I smell sex and candy.

Here I am, at the Marlene and Nathan Addlestone Library. Blogging. You heard it here, my life has now reached a new ultimate low. I am not only a blogger (how nerdy), but I am a blogger without a computer. It's hard to say what exactly happened to my computer mostly because it has lived a long and difficult life. For a little over a year now, I've been having trouble even getting it to start and it finally kicked the proverbial bucket and sits on my desk staring at me with a haunting black screen that I know will never shine down upon me ever again. (My best eulogizing is reserved, of course, for my machine.)

I called my dad and told him I wanted a Mac. He told me he would loan me money to buy a computer, but I would be paying him back. Being in debt already, I think this is a terrible option. So I'm just going to "rough it" for two or three weeks until I can afford to buy myself a new machine on my own. It will not be a Mac.

Last night ended up being a bad idea, as most nights are turning out these days. I worked my first official shift behind the bar and it went pretty well, thankfully we were slow as molasses. Erin decides she wants to go to Tommy's and get drunk. I decide that I can't get drunk, but I will go for one beer.

Who am I kidding?

No. Really. One beer? I should know myself better than to think that is ever going to happen. As soon as we arrive we order a shot of Rumplemintz, a red headed slut, and drinks. This is not going to be a "one beer" night. Oddly enough, I think it was a two beer night. It was the shots that got me. Stupid shots. I think I need to find a new haunt, though. Getting drunk at Tommy's is probably one of the most unprofessional things in the world that I could do. I mean, aside from getting drunk at Purple Tree and having Seth carry me out of the bar after I've spilled a beer on my general manager and fallen on the floor...

Speaking of which! Seth was in town this weekend and we went out to dinner and then went to see Erin at Shuck's. The most amazing part of it was Erin looking at me last night and saying, "Seth sent me a text! How cute is that? I'm very excited." I looked up at her from over my Newcastle and asked, "Did it have to do with this weekend? It had an exclamation point and said something about how it was nice to see you?"

We both grabbed for our phones to verify and there it was. The same text. Sent to both of us. Who knows how many other people received it. Seth, if you are reading this, you are a mass-text-sending dirty rotten scoundrel. I'm pretty sure that Erin was heartbroken.

Yesterday I stood at the host stand. It was boring and slow and I was in a bad mood. To cheer myself up, I planned my marriage to Mark. So far I've decided that our party favors will be white m&m's and we won't even have to buy those ridiculously overpriced (and tacky!) personalized ones because the m and the m will stand for Mark and Moira. I've also decided that our first dance will be to "I Can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. Finally, somebody asked Mark how he felt about all of it. His response was a shrug, probably involved the word "cunt" but mostly was to the effect of, "What happened to you in your childhood that made you so annoying like this?"

I've done lots of thinking about that question. Because seriously, what is wrong with me that I insist on having people like me when they clearly do not? Tune in next week for the answer.