Tuesday, February 26, 2008

If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts.

LaLa and I had our cable cut today. Oops!

I have three tests tomorrow. Yikes!

In a completely unrelated note, I offer something I wrote last night while sitting in the Starbucks in the Francis Marion just trying to pass the time between classes... It's not attached to anything else I've ever written, nor will it go anywhere in the future, this is it.



It took him a little over fifteen months to realize that he hated his job. Not a nagging feeling of unhappiness that floated in and out according to the day of the week and level of stress, not a disdain for the long hours and the tuna melt lunch breaks, but a deep-seated odium that boiled in his stomach and escaped through chapped lips much later than it had first started nagging from the back of his mind.
Until that fifteen month marker, he'd not realized himself capable of true hatred. He had fake hate: he "hated" soul patches and berets, he "hated" Starbucks, he really, really "hated" girls in Wayfarer sunglasses. But he hated his job. It surprised him and worried him, but mostly it led to an unbearable sense of dread as he realized his quarterly evaluation was approaching.
"You hate your job?" His father laughed and patted his shoulder as he sat through dinner that Sunday night. This made him hate his job more, his dad writing the whole thing off as if it were some lost youth soccer game.
"Yes." He stared firmly ahead, eyes fixed on the wall paper just over his mother's shoulder. "It sucks."
"You're so articulate, baby." His mother laughed along with his father now. He "hated" when his parents laughed at him.
Later that night, his best friend laughed too. On an adjacent barstool and right before ordering them both an Irish car bomb.




I'm sure I could move forward with this, but we know I won't.

Friday, February 22, 2008



No way! No way, no way!!

Apparently, lots of people are not excited for the Sex and the City movie, but I am. I mean, Charlotte has a cute Asian daughter and gets pregnant?! It doesn't freaking get better than that.

I do have a few problems, though, and in anticipation of the May release of the film, here they are...

1) Samantha, you're too old to be a floozy. Seriously. I know you only believe in Botox, but Smith is way too hot for you and everybody else in the world knows it. Cling on to him as hard as you can!

2) Miranda wears bathing suits without "grooming"? Sick.

3) STEVE?! Steve, NO! Steve cheating makes me want to cry and declare that there is no such thing as love. Yes, he is fictional. Yes, he is by far married to the most obnoxious SatC character, but STEVE?! You may not cheat. No. No es ok.

4) What happens to Big? I think Carrie and Big have broken up enough times. If he runs away from her because she made a big fuss about her marriage, I will not accept it. If he dies or something equally terrible, I also will not accept it. Don't fuck with me, Darren Star!

That said...
Can't wait!

editor's note-Video has been taken down... I will burn whoever did this as soon as I find them.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I came across this ad (CGI dancing pig, unfortunately I do not know how to capture the movement of it...) while listening to the Gary Jules version of "Mad World". I was so mesmerized that I went ahead and watched the pig while "Big Time in the Jungle" came on, as well.


Thanks to weather.com for placing the pig (as well as several other dancing mortgage ads [whose idea was that?!]) on their site.

Our bruises are coming, but we will never fold...

I think splitting a bottle of wine with friends and blogging is not the wisest of ideas. Anyhow, let's talk about things other than tennis and France. Something equally (if not more!) thrilling is an amazing experience I had last night.

T.J Maxx!!!

Guys, I'm not kidding.

I've shopped at TJ Maxx and Marshalls and similar "designer finds at discount prices" stores before. I generally remain unimpressed by them. I mean, sure, you can find a good thing from time to time, but you have to rifle through an exorbitant amount of utter piss on a hanger and I just usually am not up for it (nice split infinitive there, hm?). I reason that by the end of it, I've spent too much time looking in the rough for the diamond to make it worth my while. I reason that it'd be better, easier, whatever, to just head down to King St and pay full price for whatever I want. I'll stick by that reasoning, sometimes. Right now, however, I don't have the luxury of going down to King St and paying full price for a single thing (unless you're talking about Teavana). So, the best solution is to hop in the car with La and Hadley and make my way to Mt. Pleasant and spend some time sifting through the racks.

It was amazing!

I hate those people who tell you exactly how much they paid for everything (especially when they're bragging) so I won't be one of those people. In this case, my bragging has more to do with how good of finds I found than how much money I have to spend on a jacket that won't keep me any warmer than one from WalMart. This, I think, is a superior form of pride, but it is pride nonetheless. So I'll make a general statement about money and how much I bought and you will be able to see the overall awesomeness of my deals rather than the dollars and cents I saved on each item.

Total spent: Somewhere between $125 and $150, closer to $125 (I know, it's still a lot of money to somebody as broke as I am... but read on, people!)


Items bought:
-A fantastically sexy, yet tasteful (of course, because when have I not behaved tastefully...) pair of Tahari heels
-A pair of Converse all-stars with sheep on them. You read right. SHEEP! Fantastic, I know.
-A pair of Kate Spade sunglasses.
-A pair (lots of pairs here...) of Habitual jeans. Short ones. Maybe designed to be capris on tall people, but perfectly fit as skinny jeans for a shorty like me...
-A classic pinstriped Harve Benard oxford

Sorry to say it, world, but I kind of rock at shopping. I should do it professionally. I'm sure they could put me on a tv show...

That said, any tv execs looking at this blog right this moment (I know there's at least five of you at any minute from CBS, ABC, TLC, or Bravo) just give a call to my people, let me know how much weight I need to lose to be camera ready, and I'll catch you the next time I'm out in LA.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I have lost my fangs...

Dear Blogger,

Laura Dumont Lilley and Moira Taylor Phillips are officially the best negotiators ever.

Here is the deal we concocted with Moe over dinner tonight at La Fourchette...

[La and I are talking all kinds of completely unfounded trash about how we can beat Moe at tennis]
Moe: "If you two can beat me at tennis, I will take you to France with me..."
[La and I realize this is the best deal ever and start talking about how we're going to start practicing.]

About twenty minutes later, after we're talking about all the fun we're going to have in France, Moe thinks outloud...

Moe: "This cannot be a one-sided bet. What do I get if I win?"
Me: "Strippers?"
Moe: "No, they all know me..."
Laurie: "If you win, you get the pleasure of having us visit you in France!"

Basically, we have put ourselves in a win/win situation. I understand that this is mostly Laurie's genius. Well, it is completely Laurie's genius. She is a genius. And we are going to France because of it.











Dear Moe,
Sorry we're going to go to France with you and make it the best time ever had by anybody on the planet. We apologize that this is the best bet anybody has ever made on the planet. We're going to rock peoples faces off. Hard.Core.
Love,
La and Mo

Tomorrow, the tennis practice will commence.

Friday, February 8, 2008

So if you have a minute, why don't we go?

If you do anything other than grin through this entire thing (and maybe even get a little teary eyed), you are proof that there is evil in the world.






Also, HI KK!!!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

She grew up in an Indiana town...

Yes, I am that bored that I'm going to fill out a stupid myspace survey on my blog. I'm pretty sure this makes me about 16 years old, or even worse, a middle schooler. Too bad, suckers!!

1. Are you into someone?
Just myself.

2. Did you kiss anyone this past summer?
Yes.

3. Who was the last friend in your house?
Eric and Erin.

4. Have you ever had chicken pox?
Yes.

5. Have you ever done something you regret?
Of course. Regret is an extremely powerful resource. Embrace it, people!!

6. Is there someone you want to fight?
No. I was pretty pissy last night and picked fights with Moe. But never a physical fight, that's stupid.

7. What were you wearing when your last kiss took place?
A black eye! I'm so classy.

8. What song is playing right now?
"Last Dance with Mary Jane"

9. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to class. Maybe picking up a shift at work.

10. Does anyone like you?
It's possible, though not entirely probable.

11. What's annoying you right now?
Nothing at all.

12. Last drink?
Water.

13. Last sleepover?
KK stayed here when she was in town.

14. What were you doing an hour ago?
Nothing more than I'm doing right now.

15. Have you ever jumped off a rock?
What made you think of this question?

16. Are your socks matching?
I don't wear socks unless I'm exercising... So it's probably been a long time.

17. Do you like your mom or dad?
Absolutely.

18. What does your last text message in your inbox say?
"Well yall can come any weekend until the 29th or after I get settled in Bragg I can come to you. I heard the bar scene is awesome at Benning though." That's a pretty long text...

19. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Brown

20. What will you do on Sunday?
I'm a dub nasty. So mostly I'll sit around work whining for 12 hours.

21. Last person to call you?
Erin.

22. Last person you called?
Moe.

23. Does your family own any mansions?
Absolutely not.

24. What's your favorite thing to do with friends?
Watch Law and Order marathons with La. Sit on the beach with KK. Dance like crazy with Kelly. Smile with everybody.

25. Where were you at noon sunday?
Shucks.

26. Are you married?
Absolutely not.

27. Have you been outside of the U.S.?
Yes.

28. The last comment you received was from?
Most likely KK.


29. The last message you received was from?
Caro.

30. What did you do today?
Nothing yet. I'm going to the beach in 12 minutes, though!


31. How's the weather?
Cooler than yesterday, but beautiful just the same.

32. Do you wear any jewelry?
Yeah, but there's nothing I have on all the time.

33. Next vacation you're going on?
Will probably not be for at least a year.

34. Do you have any piercings?
Just my ears.

35. Orange or blue?
Crimson or gold? Chop the Chomp!

37. What's one thing you want right now?
Oh, I want all sorts of things.

38. Where do you work?
At the most beautiful place on Earth.

39. Do you want to be with anyone right now?
I'm actually enjoying my own company at the moment.

40. Did anything make you mad today?
Not at all.

41. Do you love anyone?
Yes.

42. If so, who?
A large percentage of the people I know.

43. What's your favorite breed of dog?
Zuli and Charlie.

44. What do you hear?
Meiko.

45. Do you find yourself loved?
Yes.

46. Last time you hurt yourself laughing?
Oh, I have no idea.

47. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
A bathtub probably.

48. What's the closest blue object to you?
Blanket on my bed.

49. What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown.

50. What are you excited for?
The beach

51. Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?
I don't know who it was. I love holding hands. But I'm sure they did.

52. What emotion are you feeling right now?
I am relaxed right now.

53. Do you think you're old?
Old enough to know better.

54. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yeah.

55. Do you like your life at the moment?
Absolutely.

56. Ever talk to someone who was high?
No, not once in my entire life.

57. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?
Do I know anybody shorter than I am?

58. Do you have good vision?
Not at all.

59. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yeah, but I probably couldn't forget.

60. Who's your best friend?
My sisters.

61. Did you have a dream last night?
I did.

62. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope.

63. What should you really be doing right now?
Leaving my house.

64. Can you handle the truth?
I can always handle the truth, can't always handle the presentation.

65. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Booze.

66. What music are you listening to now?
"Bathwater"

68. How often do you talk on the phone?
Often enough to need a phone.

70. Are you in a complicated relationship?
Life.

71. Are you currently frustrated with a boy/girl?
I mean, no. Mostly because I'm sober.

72. What did you do last night?
Went out. It was great.

73. Have you made a prank phone call?
Don't think so.

74. Currently wanting anything?
Not really. I'm a little hungry.


75. Do you use chapstick?
I do.

76. Are you too forgiving?
Nobody is too forgiving, that's absolutely ridiculous.

77. Do you like your hair?
Sometimes.

78. Do you miss anybody?
Mhmm.

79. Have you broken anyone's heart?
I wouldn't say that.

80. Full House or Brady Bunch?
This question shouldn't even need to be answered...

81. Do you have a car?
Yes.

82. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships.

83. Last person you text messaged?
Caro.

84. What kind of phone do you have?
Samsung.

85. Are you pregnant?
Not at all.

86. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with K?
Umm...No? I dont think so.

87. Last time someone of the opposite sex hit on you?
I dont know.

89. What do you want for Christmas?
Its a long time away.
I think I still have awhile to figure that out.

90. You're a girl, right?
Negative.

91. Have you kissed any one on your top list?
Alot of them.

92. Do you enjoy drama?
Goodness no.

93. Where is your phone?
Next to me.

94. Who was the last person you thought about?
I think I'll keep that one to myself.

95. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Eww.
Yesss.

96. Do you think you’re conceited?
No.
I think Im confident though.

97. Do you dress up on Halloween?
I dress up a lot.

98. Are you double jointed?
Nope.

99. What are you looking forward to in the next year?
Being done with school.

100. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours
Nope.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Don't let the days go by...

I watched one of those true life documentaries on MTV today and it was about "friends with benefits" and I watched this girl lock herself in a bathroom because her f buddy did not text her back and she would "NEVER DO THAT TO HIM! Ever!" It just reaffirmed the thought that has been running through my mind for a few months now, that text messaging has severely damaged the ability for young people to form meaningful relationships. It is a hindrance because of its convenience, the relative anonymity, and its very being: something easy and straightforward but cold and distant. I would love to say that from now on I'll stop texting people and just pick up my phone when I have something to say and leave it alone when I don't have the cajones to dial the number, but that's just silly. We all know I'm an addict.

When I was little, I remember one incident where my mother was sitting at the table writing checks and doing the things that she did and I tried to get her attention numerous times by repeating "Mom... Mom... Mom! Mom!!" Finally she turned to me and reminded me that just because she wasn't responding to me didn't mean that she didn't hear me. This was a totally unacceptable explanation for me, because why wouldn't she just say "Yes?" and let me go on with my story. I think the realization that not being acknowledged is a deep-seated pet peeve of mine is both reassuring and scary at the same time...

But I mean, whatever, man! (Go ahead and read that sentence twice, because it's so deep and well thought out...) I'm listening to that terrible Alicia Keys song that I always hear in the kitchen at work and I am going to paint my nails and tomorrow I am going to go to the beach and I feel great. I dyed my hair today, I am that person that changes their hairstyle when they feel the need for a great life change. I know it is superficial but I'm surprisingly okay with it, I mean, whatever makes you happy, right?

In other news, Charlie pooed in my room again today! And it was huge and smelly. But that dang black and white dog is so cute that I was mad at her for two minutes and then started rubbing her speckled little belly. I'm glad I have the dogs in the house to snuggle with, they make everything a lot better...

A wise person once told me you could tell a lot about a person by asking them who their favorite Beatle is. I shrugged it off at the time, but I've had some time to think about it and I think he was right.

I like George Harrison.